🤪J🤪KES

Here's your hilarious joke:

Bunch of Jokes I Wrote Over the Year Bracelets are like watches that don't do shit.   Everyone in the world is my insignificant other.   What if popular guys in high school who are having sex with numerous virgins were Muslim suicide bombers in a previous life?   When business picks up for companies, they expand. The same thing happens with prostitutes.   Its not about whether you win or lose. Its also not about how you play the game. Its about killing time while you wait to die. (Okay, that got dark.)   There is a cure for veganism. Take any pill once a day with a glass of milk.   I am easily swayed during arguments. Especially when I am in a hammock.   You miss 100% of the shots you don't make. (This has probably been said before. Fuck it.)   I am a pretty attractive person... to mosquitoes.   I am going to carve a poison ivy back scratcher. The more you use it, the more you use it.   I think people use big words to hide their injudiciousness.   I am pretty immature. I have been alive 28 years and can't even really whistle.   Money can't buy happiness. You need beaver pelts for that. (Alright that one is dumb.)   Using orange juice in a humidifier is a good cold remedy.   Abortion must be really easy for birds.   "My IQ is above average," said Everyone.   Whenever I crack open a fortune cookie, it is empty.   Maybe nature adopting evolution was a mistake in evolution. (Don't know about this one.)   They say you can't be two halves of a whole. I can. I came complete.   Yeah I am addicted, but I would quit if I could. That should count for something.   (Upon meeting somebody for the first time.) I just moved here. From where I was standing over there.   Never masturbate after using superglue. Otherwise you will have to forever hold your piece. (This joke is unfinished. I am too lazy to finish it. You get the point. Some snappy wedding material goes in there somewhere.)   If you see a backwards stop sign while driving, that means speed up.   Some people think that having a rare blood type is something to brag about. That is pathetic.   No one actually looks inside shop windows. They are too preoccupied with looking at themselves in the reflection of the glass.   Real men drive manual transmission, shave with a straight razor, use a rotary dial phone, and prefer an abacus other a calculator.   Snakes probably show their children their old shed skin and say, "This is what I looked like at your age."